We hear this comment a lot. nnIt comes from a place of hurt. And more often than not it is said to inflict some hurt (maybe something like this will finally get a reaction?!?). nnThe couple in this scenario is often pretty worn out. They often feel as though they have tried to have the conversations to get “unstuck” but nothing has worked. nn✨They often *both*feel really unseen by the other and they *both* often feel really alone and hurt. ✨nnIf this is you and your partner, you each may be too entrenched in your own experience and emotions to really be able to see the other in their experience and emotions. nnBut you *both* are having an experience and you *both* are having emotions. nnWant help understanding your own experience and learn how to communicate it to your partner in a way they can understand? The 8 week Create Your Couple Story Course is designed to help couples with curiosity and compassion get into these places for themselves, to understand these places in their partner, and to choose how to move forward together. nnGet started today. Link in bio and in stories.n nn#toddler #momhacks #parentingtips n#parentinghacks #parentingwin #momstruggles #parents n#peacefulparentingn#toddlerlifen#marriagecounselingn#couplescounseling n#parentproblems n#playmattersn#earlylearningn#momguiltn#mynameismaman#wahmlifen#sahmn#respectfulparentingn#relationshipcoachn#communicationiskeyn#mindfulmaman#parentingwinn#mindfulparentingn#joysofmotherhoodn#toddleractivitiesn#newmommyn#toddlertantrumsn#parenting n#lifewithlittles n#postpartumsupport
Why Create Your Couple Story? At Create Your Couple Story we know you are a couple that wants to be well, as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. Research is clear, in order for your individual and family health to thrive your couple relationship needs to thrive… As a couple you likely know other areas of health are related to your overall couple health and that you need to put in the work for a healthy relationship. Traditionally this has looked......
Why Create Your Couple Story? At Create Your Couple Story we know you are a couple that wants to be well, as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. Research is clear, in order for your individual and family health to thrive your couple relationship needs to thrive… As a couple you likely know other areas of health are related to your overall couple health and that you need to put in the work for a healthy relationship. Traditionally this has looked like couples going to therapy. We are strong supporters of therapy. Yet, there can be a lot of barriers to going to therapy. Barriers like finding the time to go in the busyness of life, having the financial resources to pay for weekly sessions, and finding a therapist you connect with and can trust. All of these barriers, along with the stress of life, can lead to couples putting their relationship on the back burner. At Create Your Couple Story we don’t want your relationship to be a back burner relationship. That’s why we developed the Create Your Couple Story Course. It’s not therapy; it is therapeutic AND without the barriers of traditional therapy. For the price of one therapy session you can enroll in Create Your Couple Story. It can be done at your and your partner’s own pace and on your own schedule from the comfort of your home. And what you get is 8 research-informed, psychologically sound, modules, that highlight 8 key areas couples we talk to everyday say are vital to the health and wellness of their relationship. Also, this is a course created by a couple for couples. We understand the struggles couples face and the hopes that couples have. So, stop putting your relationship on the back burner and start engaging your couple relationship with the intention and care you know you deserve and as you become healthy watch your personal and family health improve as well.more
👉The point of this post is not to be prescriptive👈, but rather to ✨know your relationship’s shared values and embrace those✨. It is also to think about your kids and what speaks love to them and to show them that. nnI asked our kids this morning, “What do you like seeing dad and me do together?” And their answers were hilarious and so sweet. nnOur oldest said “I love hearing you validate one another” 🥰 of course I was so thrilled to hear this! and then after a pause said “just kidding, I really still do not understand validation, I just know its a word you like a lot.” 🙃 He then said “I really do like seeing you two make-up because you know it makes me anxious when you disagree”. This made so much sense, he is a highly sensitive kid and the mood and tone of our house matter so much to his spirit. nnOur middle said “I like when you and dad hug”. Which makes sense because to our middle physical touch is so meaningful to him; so for him to see us hug would help him to feel safe (and if we are really honest, he sees our hug and takes it as a personal invitation to insert himself right in the middle of it💞). nnOur youngest said “I like to see you two play pickleball” 🏸 and then he added to crack himself and all of us up, “and then mom tears her ACL.”🤪This makes sense to us too, our youngest is an active little guy who does love to play and be played with and also loves to crack a joke and laugh all together 😂. nn🌱Stephen and I do not love one another for the sake of our kids; but us loving one another does bolster our kids sense of safety and security in their worlds. 🌍 nn❓What about you and your partner? ❓What are your shared values for your couple relationship? ❓For your family? ❓What about your kids? ❓How do they like to see their parents love one another?
✨It can be intense.✨nIntensely wonderful and connective. And intensively isolating and scary in how completely alone you feel in a home that has actually grown in numbers. nnWhile it is “normal” to feel both, sometimes you need help in these times to get your back on same page. You can feel both and still feel them together. nn💞When you feel so connected and supported by your partner, let them know. It is so easy to forget to affirm the good and ask for more of the thing that feels like it is helping; it is not silly to say🗣 “thank you so much for bringing my water bottle full to bed each night. It’s such a simple gesture, but it helps me know you are thinking ahead with me.” Simple things like that (doing them and acknowledging them) really help keep the connection and affirm it for both partners. nn😔And when you are feeling alone it can feel too intense or “bad” to say so. But chances are, if you are feeling alone your partner would want to know, and might even be feeling alone too. We worry saying these things to our partner may make things worse between us, but we can say them in a way where it isn't any one person’s fault or some indictment if we are feeling alone we must be bad- thats simply not true. 🗣It can be as simple as “Nights have been feeling especially lonely for me. Even sensing the sun going down is really sending me into a dark place. Tonight, could we try to do something together as the sun sets just so I remember we are in this together?” nnEveryone is doing something brand new (no matter what number baby you are adding!) and everyone is doing it on far too little sleep and with wildly fluctuating hormones. It is a time couples go back to over and over and over again for feeling it is where resentment really began to build up. nn🤔What is feeling most present for you right now? Can you tell your partner? Can you invite them to tell you what postpartum is like for them?nn🌱It really is never too late to work through your postpartum period.🌱nn🤔What was postpartum like for you and your partner? Are there some things you still feel you need to process?
✨It really is worth looking for the patterns.✨nnNot only does knowing this pattern help us to anticipate it (especially if its a certain time of day) it can help us to get the help we need before it and right there “in” it (ex: if it’s lunch and your partner works outside of home they can help slice up food before they leave for work). nnUnderstanding these patterns and trends also helps us to have 👉compassion, for our self and for our partner👈 and can keep from getting angry with one another in already stressful situations.nn💫Having things that take you outside your window of tolerance does not make you bad parents or an unhealthy unhelpful partner.💫 nn🌱But it is our job (and privilege) to wonder about what is going on and be proactive to address the underlying issues to try to keep within our window of tolerance as often as possible and to help our partner (not shame our partner) and ask for help (not swim in shame for needing help) because we all need it from time to time. nn🤔Are you aware of what a “Window Of Tolerance” is? Do you and your partner know your own and one another’s triggers for dysregulation? nn❓Can you see the power in knowing these places for yourself and your partner and then one step further, for your kids? nn🌱✨These are the things couples work on in our courses. This is important work. It is also entering in to sacred places in your own life and in your partners.✨🌱nn#selfregulation #stressedout #stressmanagement #Momhacks #stress #parents #parentinghacks #parentingwin #momstruggles #momprobs #peacefulparenting #toddlerlife #marriagecounseling #parenting #nervoussystem #familylife #marriage #mft #mynameismama #wahmlife #sahmproblems #respectfulparenting #couplescounseling #parentingtips #mindfulmom #joysofmotherhood #attachmentparenting #cosleepingfamily #fourthtrimester #postpartumsupport
❗️We are not talking about forcing yourself or your partner to do something you/they do not want to do. Ever.❗️nnWe are talking about when you could be open to moving towards your partner and where they may be. ➡️⬅️nnOpposite action is a helpful paradigm in many situations. ✨It can be just the thing that brings us towards trust in our partner and the ability to move into opposite action ourselves.✨nnTouch is a big area for many couples. 👉And no we do not just mean sex.👈Even just a hug can be the thing to make one partner feel seen or a different partner feel instantly guarded and rushed.👈nn💫Neither partner is “wrong” for feeling the way they do. Both have stories that infirm and support them feeling just exactly as they do.💫nn🌱You and your partner will continue to feel invalidated in your experiences (and ways of being in the world) until you have understanding and then compassion for how your ways of being in this world came to be.🌱nnKnowing your own stories and knowing one another’s stories is the beginning of figuring out together what kind of story you want to be telling and what kind of story you want your kids to have for their childhood. nnOpposite action with the understanding, curiosity, and compassion for how you each came to be just as you are is a really good way to build trust in your couple relationship.nn❓Want help? Reach out, we would be honored to be your guides.nn#touch #parents #parentsbelike #relationshiphelp #relationshipcounselling n#Momhacks #parentinghacks #parentingwin #momstruggles #momprobs #peacefulparenting #toddlerlife #marriagecounseling #parenting #nervoussystem #familylife #marriage #mft #mynameismama #wahmlife #sahmproblems #respectfulparenting #couplescounseling #parentingtips #mindfulmom #joysofmotherhood #attachmentparenting #cosleepingfamily #fourthtrimester #postpartumsupport
💫This is also a great conversation to have with your partner.💫nn👉Sometimes we all need help remembering and finding perspective. It is a good practice to remember our kids ages and what our own bodies may be remembering (even if we are not aware we are remembering our body does hold memory).👈nn✨If our parents were divorcing when we were 4 years old, when our kid turns 4 it may be a difficult time for us as a parent. We may find ourselves thinking more about our parents and their divorce and we now have a little person to look at and have a different perspective on what 4 was like for us. nn✨Or maybe your kid is 9 and at 9 your partner had terrible nightmares your dad mocked then for. This can help us see our partner in a new way and how we would treat our 9 year old if they were having nightmares. It may also shed some light on how our partner is interacting with our 9 year old. nn🤔So… what age is your kid(s)? Ask yourself “What was happening in your life at that age? What was gaining for your parents when you were this age? What were your parents like with you in this stage of your life?” nnWell you ask your partner the same?nn❓Can you see how this curious conversation could open up compassion for yourself and your partner and ultimately bring so much compassion to your kid(s)? 💞nn#parentingtips #parentingtip #couplescounseling #breastfeeding #toddlermom #momlife #parentingquotes n#Momhacks #parentinghacks #parentingwin #momstruggles #momprobs #peacefulparenting #toddlerlife #marriagecounseling #parenting #nervoussystem #familylife #marriage #mft #mynameismama #wahmlife #sahmproblems #respectfulparenting #couplescounseling #parentingtips #mindfulmom #joysofmotherhood #attachmentparenting #cosleepingfamily #fourthtrimester #postpartumsupport
‼️Saying I love you to your partner is massively important‼️So don’t hear what we are not saying. We are not saying don’t tell your partner you love them. Tell them this all day long!nn👉🏼And sprinkle in there some specifics about what you love about your partner. 💡Being specific adds an extra layer of “knowing” of letting your partner feel that you see them. nnI love to hear Erin tell me she loves me❤️I also love to hear when she says, “Seeing you with the boys at soccer practice ⚽️makes me feel like you are a good dad, I love you.” nn❓What are some specific ways you can sprinkle in some “extra” love with your partner and let them know, “I see you? I see you doing this or being this way and it make me love you even more than I already do.” nn🌱Right now think about it. Then text your partner or write them a little note or give them a call. 🛑🖐🏽Don’t let the moment pass (I just stopped and texted Erin right now!). Sprinkle a little love into your partner’s life today. nn🌱We’re Stephen and Erin, follow along with us @couples.counseling.for.parents to continue strengthening your family by strengthening your couple relationship. 🌱nn#lovewins n#parentinghacksn#parentingwinn#loveyousomuch n#parenthacks n#peacefulparentingn#familylife n#marriagecounselingn#couplescounseling n#marriage n#marriagegoals n#lovegoals n#stayathomemom n#mynameismaman#wahmlifen#sahmn#respectfulparentingn#stayathomedad n#communication n#mindfulmaman#familyiseverything n#parentingwinn#mindfulparentingn#parent n#communicationskills n#newmommyn#parenting n#newparents n#fourthtrimestern#postpartumsupport #loveforever
Anyone? 🙋🏽♂️nnWhen our partner is late from work and we are left to do dinner and bedtime alone, we start saying to ourselves “They are so unreliable!” and we fixate and focus on it understandably, it is an area that needs resolution. nnIt’s something like an injury. For instance, when we tear our ACL 😩, we are focused on our injury and the limitations of our knee, understandably it is an injury requiring our attention. But in no way do we begin to say, its my whole body thats a mess and I need surgery everywhere. We tend to the injury and then shift our focus back to keeping our whole body healthy. nn👉But what often happens in couple relationships is that unresolved piece continues to receive our attention and focus and we begin to believe its the truest thing, or even the only thing, about our partner.👈 ✨We disregard all of the other things about our partner where we are actually aligned, like we have aligned parenting styles and sense of humor and really enjoy many of the same things. ✨nnWe start looking at our neighbor’s partner or our friend’s partner who is extremely reliable and think how great it would be to be with someone like that. But we forget we have nothing else aligned with them and minimize and ignore every other thing about them, like their parenting style we do not align with at all. nn🌱✨When there is injury in a relationship, it does need your attention. It is also not the only true thing about you, your partner, or your relationship. It is an injury but not an indicator the whole thing is awful and in need of being cast aside. ✨🌱nn🤔Do you or your partner find yourself focusing on the one piece “wrong” or off and forget the whole pie? nn#familygoals n#parentingproblems n#parents n#parenting101 n#marriedlife n#marriage n#peacefulparentingn#marriagecounseling n#marriagehelp n#marriagetherapy n#perspective n#couplesgoals n#couplescounseling n#parentgoals n#family n#wahmlifen#sahmn#respectfulparentingn#relationshipcoachn#marriagehelp n#partner n#partnership n#stayathomemom n#mindfulparentingn#joysofmotherhoodn#relationshipgoals n#newmommyn#relationship n#relationshipadvice n#relationships n#relationshipproblems
Everyone is missed and ultimately everyone is left to make sense of their experience on their own. nn✨We mean no shame here. Truly. 👉The majority of us have likely been every single person in this cycle at some point.👈 So we repeat, we mean no shame.✨nn🔹In this scenario, what parent #1 almost never needs in real time is parent #2 to come in, yell at them, shame them, and/or try to reason with them; in these moments reason cannot be heard and our kid is often further dysregulated seeing parent #2 come in and then get upset. 🔹nn🗣The time to try to talk about, process, and eventually repair what happened is AFTER people have come back into a regulated state. In our activated states we can not really find our thinking brains. As they say, “our lid has been flipped”. nnWe are all human who get dysregulated and snap at our own kids and one another from time to time (so many factors contribute to this for all of us- 🌱factors worth knowing, exploring, and healing🌱). ❓Are we proud of these moments? No. Do we need to seek repair after these ruptures? Yes.❗️nn💫But can we work on the dynamic so it can maybe happen less? Yes!💫nn🤔So? With your partner, can you make a plan for what might help you both in these moments to actually find space rather than further activate one another into dysregulation. For us what “works” is stepping in and getting our kids into a new situation and saying something to them like “Hey buddy. Whoa, seems dad is having a hard time right now. I know he’ll let us know what was going on as soon as he gets some space to figure it out. Want to take a walk with me?” nn✨And I do trust Stephen will do the work to figure out what was going on and come back and repair with our kids (just like I have to do the work and repair when the situation is reversed). Not sure how to figure “it” out on your own? You don’t have to, reach out, we’d be honored to walk you through this process. It is learnable. It doesn’t have to take forever to “figure out”.nn🤔Is this a cycle you and your partner know? ❓Have you found a cue that gently and without shame helps each of you know “you are not being who you want to be being right now”? Share ⬇️